the last 30yrs.......!!!

This week marked the 30th anniversary of the year i was born!! Many memories came flooding back....the various times i have accidentally attempted to cause my own death and the numerous scars i have to prove it.....for example:

Aged 2 - I was soooo desperate to have my cup of tea that i reached for it myself, not a good idea for a child who was no more than 1.5ft tall and could see over the handle of the kitchen cupboards let only the worktop.....so as you can imagine the cup came down and so did the boiling hot water.... all over my arm now at that time (1981) Hot water + 2yr old child = intensive care..........for a whole 2 weeks.....this set up the rest of my life to this point. (if i was to be a mister man which one would i be......comments at the bottom please!!!)

Aged 5 (approx) - whilst playing mindlessly at my grandmothers house i wondered what was beneath the skin on my knee, as kids do...so... what do you usually cut things with!?... scissors..... i have a 1 in scar on my knee to prove it however the only thing i found in there was a lot of blood and pain, oh and the desire to never do that again!!!

Aged 7 - Whilst again in my grandmother's care (I'm starting to realise why my father loathes her so!) i decided it would be a good idea to leap from a bridge, not in a graceful swallow dive but more in a crumpled heap type fall, only this time i came closer to death spending more time in hospital and breaking both wrists, i was starting to like hospital at this point, these days though child protection issues come to mind!! anyway......3months later after having my plaster off, first day back at school i fell on my weak arms and.......ended up back at the clinic being re plastered (any thoughts on the Mr Man character yet!! it should be obvious by now!!)

After this i had relatively little ailments and thought my clumsy days were over....until:

Aged 17 - I covered myself in Uranium 235 at college.....so i more than likely have a half life still at this very moment....i knew they shouldn't have let me do science at college!!

Aged 20 - Whilst starting a new job, on my first day.... i cut my finger open with a razor blade and was unable to sign any of the paperwork or even contract of employment!!!

Aged 21 - Whilst moving to a new place of work during my career, on my first shift, I slipped on oily stairs and landed on my neck ending up in A&E in traction whilst it was decided whether i had a broken neck or not.....thankfully no but the 2hrs lying on a stiff board unable to move was mind numbing and again i learned not to do it again!!!

Aged 25 - Whilst chasing youths.....I launched myself over a wall only to find the ledge on the other side was not level, i fell approximately 10ft landing on my side, if it had not been for my body armour i would have definitely broken a rib or 2... i got up winded and said nothing to save the embarrassment!!

Aged 27 - Three weeks after surgery to remove a bulge in one of the discs on my spine, I was at work once again chasing youth when i put my right foot in a hole and turned....the pain was excruciating and i hit the floor like a sack of spuds...my colleague Oz panicked and started shouting man down man down whilst i called for an ambulance....the ambulance arrived and the paramedics got to work as they approached my boot laces with a view to cutting the boot off my ankle......I aid "whoa what do you think you are doing.....they are not paid for, you know" so i made the poor person pick the laces....I'm not having my £40 boots cut off my leg for anything....anyway i went once again to A&E and was put in a corridor in a wheelchair as the hospital felt that being in the general population in uniform may upset the inmates and cause a riot! After four hours some locum a&e doctor diagnosed a broken ankle and i was plastered up to my knee!! the next morning i saw the surgeon who found it to be a sprain.....stupid locum doctors!!

anyway since that day i have been extremely lucky not to cause myself any further injury...i have had a few scrapes (such as throwing myself of my pushbike in the square in town on the busiest shopping day before Christmas) but nothing that has been lasting!!

So really i ought to thank myself lucky to have reached 30yrs of age, I do wonder how the next 30 will go!!!