
I was so excited at the prospect of seeing Green Day, not being a huge fan of the 90's Punk icon's but loving the 21st century breakdown album was enough to snatch Mia's arm off the minute she said to me "do you want to come to see Green Day"

Sunday 30th of August 2009, the family wedding event of the year.....my cousin K got married!! Whilst most people relish the thought of a good wedding and an excuse to get extremely drunk, I was apprehensive....you see my cousin is a lewd, loudmouthed Chav who spent most of her childhood in a cell and has spent the last 10years moving around Shropshire to avoid bailiffs......I did wonder how on earth she paid for said wedding at Hawkstone Park and Historic Follies.....(one of North Shropshire's premium hotels).....only to be informed that a week before £5000 pounds went missing from the safe in the public house she runs with my aunt...at which point the barmaid got the blame....I find it highly suspicious myself!!!
Anyway, the evening came and I was determined to attend to show face and for a free buffet (I can tell you now I had absolutely no interest in the fact she got married......at all, I went for the food....bottom line!!!) my sister picked me up promptly at 6.45pm and we made a brief stop to pick my Bro and his better half up and made our way there, please note every attempt to hire a pair of Rockports to go with my trackie bottoms had failed so I attended in jeans bearing in mind we were attending the Chaviest wedding of the year....I didn't expect K to let me down either and sure enough as we arrived we were greeted at the sight of K swigging from a large bottle of WKD Blue on the car park...classy ;) as I greeted K with the usual formality of congrats and a good luck to the groom, I quickly followed with " where's the nearest bar?" once I obtained a drink I went in search of my parents for the usual hello and then after posing for photos for the wedding album, went in search of the buffet!!
I arrived at the buffet table early and as the hotel staff disappeared into the back, I quickly sampled a couple of chicken goujons that they had put out ready....wow they were fantastic, I joined the queue when the food was finally unleashed and as I approached the table I picked up a napkin off one of the plates (which were provided for guests) and headed for the goujons as I picked up the serving plate with the chicken goujons on and started to add sandwiches, spring rolls and battered king prawns, the hostess monitoring the buffet looked at me in disgust and disbelief at what she was seeing....however she never said a word, those goujons were mine....as I approached the place at which I was sitting my mother noticed my plate and promptly followed suit.....normally I would say it's where I get it from however on this occasion it was like son like mother.....the poor staff didn't know what to say!! :)
After that came the usual display of awful DJ'ing and the classic jokes from Peter Kay's wedding sketch came flooding back, as they were being extremely slow in cutting the wedding cake or providing us guests with one of the cupcakes she had made herself I in league with my sister who caused the necessary distraction sampled one... (leaving a really obvious gap in the cupcake tree) it wasn't all that so I wished I hadn't made the effort!!
Then the fireworks started.....not the pretty exploding ones......but a fight between guests erupted in spectacular style, once again my cousins were on form......I’m so surprised neither of them got arrested, as my cousin D cracked a racist joke directly at a police officer and K threatened to slash her friends face with a bottle and got threatened with looking at the back of a cell door on her wedding night!!!
Anyway all in all it was a good evening and my sis and I (who were bone sober btw) finished the evening with the YMCA and the Time Warp much to my brother's embarrassment!!
We left Hawkstone Park and Historic Follies thoroughly entertained!! :)